Student's Transition to College
Many of the changes that you and your student experience are normal, as are the feelings associated with these changes which may include discomfort, fear of uncertainty, and loss of your student from your home.
For your student, college will be a time of intellectual growth and exploration, making decisions, developing a greater sense of identity, and clarifying values and beliefs. Part of the growing process means that your student will go through periods of questioning, sometimes challenging the values and ideals that you hold dear.
As a parent, it may help you to reflect on your own growth and the journey you have taken since young adulthood - What do you wish your adult self told your young-adult self?
This transition, while exciting, can at times be a trying experience. As parents, you have fears and concerns that are very much normal. You may fear that cultural and family values you have worked hard to instill in your student may be lost or diluted. You may fear "losing" your student as he/she becomes increasingly autonomous.
You may wonder if your student can really take care of him/herself and have enough discipline to deal with alcohol, other drugs, or sex. You may wonder how your student's success or performance will reflect on you as the parent.
To best assist your student and to quell your own fears, it may help your student to know that they can depend on you for emotional support. Expressing your concerns and feelings of worry, as well as desired outcomes - all in a constructive manner - may help your student to understand your worry and make better judgements while away from your immediate guidance.
How will your student deal with the new experiences he/she encounters in a productive and positive way? Your student's response to this new situation is the culmination of a lifetime of responses to other situations. All the learning they have received from you up to now is a part of who they are.
Everyone makes sense of the world through the lens of their own life experiences: our family values and history, as well as our cultural and ethnic identity.
Your student will need time to adjust to the college. They will need time for exploration and experimentation and you may notice new clothes, music, ideas, or beliefs. You may notice your student forging a new identity, and questioning and challenging old values and beliefs, keeping many and taking on new ones.
As a parent, you are in the best position to help your student through this period of adjustment.
Here are some other helpful hints to assist you as your student enters or progresses through their academic career at CSUMB.
- Support your student's growing sense of autonomy and offer guidance that is constructive, with your opinions being expressed in a manner that is free of judgment.
- Communicate regularly and with loving support. How openly do you and your student discuss feelings, concerns, and difference in opinions?
- Listen. Get to know your student's reactions to his his/her new world. Your student is not you and may have different needs, likes, skills, and desires than you have.
- When you problem-solve with your student, encourage him or her to take an active and equal role in the process. Do not immediately tell your student how to resolve a problem. Instead, ask him/her: "What ideas do you have? How would those ideas work?"
- Be alert to signs of stress in your student. Experiencing some stress when entering a new situation is quite normal. You can reassure your student of this. If, however, the stress persists over time, encourage your student to seek help from the many support services available on campus.
- Expect your student to make many changes during his/her academic study. The average college student changes academic majors four times. It is common that many university students are not able to graduate within four years.
- Expect changes in your relationship with your student. Change is inevitable. It is best to understand this and to facilitate positive changes within the relationship, rather than attempt to prevent change from occurring.
- There may be some conflict, but the things you have given your student over the past 17 to 18 years are very much a part of him/her and will always be there.
- Times of transition are exciting, yet difficult. Please give yourself and your student the gift of patience.
We are here to assist you with your student's transition to school. If you have questions about services not covered on this site (or suggestions) or concerns about your student, please contact us!
While we are obligated to comply with laws governing the student's privacy (i.e. HIPAA, FERPA), parents remain an active and important part of their student's lives.